On the HuffingtonPost.com website this week is a wonderful article called “Marriage Advice From Those Married A Long, Long Time.” It’s a great compilation of the best marriage advice from two women who have enjoyed long, successful marriages.
Huff/Post50 editor Shelley Emling and senior writer Ann Brenoff have both been married for a total of 36 years and they’ve shared their best tips for a long and happy marriage. We’d like to share their top three pieces of advice:
1. Not every fight is the Big One.
This is another way of saying,
Pick your battles.” One of the author’s says she and her husband found a way to make sure they didn’t let the little things cause big problems. “Not every injustice is worth a fight. In the early years, my husband and I would make a monthly dinner date to discuss the petty small stuff that was driving us nuts. He used to call it Grievance Night. Others may say it isn’t wise to let things build up. Grievance Night worked for us.”
2. Don’t use the “D word” unless you mean it.
This is a piece of advice that many of have heard before. Once you introduce the word “divorce” to your marriage during an emotional argument, that possibility remains on the table, even if you want to take it back. Say the authors,
Before you go there, you seriously need to have tried absolutely everything else, at least a 100 times.”
3. Revenge isn’t a dish best served cold. It’s a dish best not served at all.
It’s easy and human to be tempted to get back at your spouse for something that has caused you pain, but revenge has no place in a healthy marriage, not if you want it to last.
Evening the score just results in a tie with everyone miserable. Revenge is for the kid who hit you in the sandbox, not your marriage.”
The authors several more tips for couples and we encourage you to read the rest of the article. If we don’t learn something about being happily married from long-married couples, who will we learn it from?