The other day, HuffingtonPost.com posted the results of a poll they took, asking divorced readers what wisdom they had about marriage that they’d only learned AFTER they got divorced. It may seem like divorced people would be exactly the wrong resource for information on marriage, but some of the wisdom they shared was very telling and sometimes even profound.
Here are three of our favorite pieces of wisdom from divorced people to married couples:
1. It only takes one to make a marriage miserable.
The old saying, “It takes two” may be right very often, but the truth is that one person really can destroy the marriage. We understand this when it comes to things like infidelity or abuse, but it’s also true when it comes to things like distance, lack of support, nagging, jealousy or insecurity.
If there are things that you struggle with within yourself, think about whether they’re affecting your spouse and your marriage.
2. Love is an action, not a feeling.
When we first get married, the relationship is all about that feeling of falling in love, but falling is a verb. Once you’ve fallen, other verbs need to take its place. Love really is an action and an act; the act of listening, of giving, of sharing, of tolerating, of forgiving and so much more. What are you actually doing in your marriage, right now, as an act of love?
3. Fewer things are harder than a good marriage.
You’ve heard the expression that marriage is work; we all have. That doesn’t make it sound all that romantic, but the truth is that anything truly worth having is hard work. How much time, energy and effort do you spend at the gym in order to stay in shape? How many extra hours and extra projects do you put in at the office to get that promotion?
Marriage is the most important relationship in your life and it deserves the same effort. The payoff is that the rewards are huge and they last a lifetime.
Check out the rest of the wisdom divorced people shared with married couples. They delivered plenty of it.