One of the things we talk about most often here and in our work is bringing the romance, the passion and excitement back into marriages, even marriages that have been going for twenty, thirty years or more. Passion isn’t everything to a marriage, but it is extremely important. Sometimes passion makes the difference between a good marriage and a great one.
We read some great ideas posted by Jennifer L. Foust, Ph.D., M.S., LPC, who is Director of Clinical Services at The Center for Growth & Passion Therapy in Philadelphia. She has a lot of terrific advice for couples about relationships, marriage and intimacy.
We’d like to share three great ideas, three ideas guaranteed to bring passion back into the bedroom, and we’ll start with the one Dr. Foust suggested.
1. You and your spouse sit down over a glass of wine or a cup of coffee with two pieces of paper each.
On the first piece of paper, write five things that you think would be really exciting to do or to try. These could be things you’ve done before or things used to do or things you’ve only read or heard about. Next, on the second piece of paper, write the five things that you think your spouse will list.
When you’re ready, share with each other your list of things you thought your spouse would say. This will give you a chance to see how well your mate knows your needs, preferences and desires. After you’ve talked about the first list, give each other your lists. You can discuss the things you have in common and the things that were unexpected.
Agree that this week, one of you will take charge of planning a special time alone to do at least two of the things on the other’s list. Next week, the other spouse will do the same. Keep in mind that the plan and even the time and place, should be kept secret if at all possible.
2. This has worked beautifully in our own relationship and in other couples we’ve shared it with.
One day or evening this week, each of you sit down in separate rooms with some post it notes or other small pieces of notepaper and compose twenty short notes. They shouldn’t be whole paragraphs, they don’t need to be serious and you can’t just say “I love you.” They should be notes that will actually mean something. It could be “Remember the time we…” or “I love it when you….” You get the idea. Now, make sure you keep your stash of notes in a safe place and each day, tuck one or two or three where your spouse will find them. try lunch bags, windshield wipers, laptop cases, and so on. By the end of this week of long distance flirting, you should be ready for some serious alone time.
3. Do one new thing together this month.
This one may sound pointless, since it has nothing to do with romance or intimacy, but it works. Remember when you were dating and you tried all kinds of things you’d never had or done before? Because you were so much in love? Do it again. Take a dance class, go bungee jumping, rent a boat. Do something together that neither one of you has done before. That newness, that sense of adventuring together, is an incredible aphrodisiac.