The world is full of marriage advice and marriage tips. You’ll find them in books, on TV and even in blogs like this one. While we try to stick with advice from trusted experts in our posts, there are plenty of marriage tips that actually hurt your marriage, put more stress on your relationship or even wreck your marriage.
Author, radio host and relationship expert Laura Doyle has a wise and witty post this week on HuffingtonPost.com that highlights what she says are 3 marriage tips that can actually wreck your marriage, along with some better alternatives.
Here’s what she has to say:
Bad Marriage Tip #1: Start a weekly date night.
Now, we’ve given this advice, too, but Doyle says it can backfire in some marriages.
This date-night maxim is truly terrible advice because nobody ever felt special and loved when her husband said, ‘We should go out once a week to work on our marriage.’ A wife who says that to her husband is likely to be met with resistance to date nights because they reek of control and sound like a chore.”
She suggests that instead of a date night, you should institute a policy of thanking your mate three times a day for anything you can think of. It might be taking out the trash, working hard to support the family, or finally learning to pick up his socks. According to Doyle, once your husband (and hopefully you, if you can get your husband to follow suit) feels appreciated, then you’ll actually be able to enjoy a weekly or monthly date night.
Bad Marriage Tip #2: Communication is the key to a good relationship.
We’ve heard and repeated this, too, and it is essential. But this, too, can present a problem. Women typically take it to mean that we need to communicate MORE.
Relationships benefit greatly when you don’t communicate everything you’re thinking, especially if it’s critical or disrespectful.”
Doyle suggests that you focus more on the quality and constructiveness of your communication, rather than trying to talk about everything, especially the negative things.
Bad Marriage Tip #3: You should go to marriage counseling.
There is a time and a situation for marriage counseling, but you shouldn’t depend on a degreed professional to tell you how to be happy in your marriage.
Instead of taking advice from someone who studied relationships academically, consider checking for the most important credential of all: A happy relationship. Only a woman who actually enjoys the ease and pleasure of a great connection with her husband can tell you how to have that.”
Now, that sounds like great advice!