Last post, I pointed you to an article on WebMD called “Passionate Marriage is Alive and Well.” The article reported on results of a study on intimacy. According to that study, married couples have more satisfying and active intimate lives than do single adults. This time, I want to share with you some of the tips relayed in the article on building a more passionate marriage. The article gleaned some
advice from some prominent experts on marriage and intimacy and I think they have some good tips to help all of us make and keep our marriages more passionate and fulfilling.
1. Forget the “Fusion Fantasy.”
“The fusion fantasy, or what is known as the idea that ‘two shall become one’ is lauded as the zenith of emotional bonding — but it is the cause of lack of intimacy and passion,” says David Schnarch, director of the Marriage and Family Health Center in Evergreen, Colorado”We go into marriage looking for someone to complete us, and that creates all the problems,” he adds.
Schnarch goes on to say that if we continue to grow as independent persons within our marriages, we are more capable of a strong and exciting intimate relationship.
2. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone Now and Then
We try to turn our partner into someone who won’t surprise us,” says Esther Perel, a couples and family therapist in New York City, and author of Mating In Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic, explaining that it makes us “feel safe and secure to know we won’t be caught by surprise. But the problem is, that leads to boredom, the enemy of the passionate marriage. Instead, break out of your comfort zone and try something new, or a little daring — then see what your partner does in response.”
3. Mix Laughter with Passion
Be willing to laugh at yourself when you try something new, especially when it doesn’t work — a new position that gives you a cramp or a belly dance that turns out to be more strange than (exciting). When you laugh, you give your partner permission to do so. And you create an environment where each of you is free to try anything without fear of ridicule — a liberating atmosphere where passion can flourish.”
These are just three of the tips that I found most interesting, but there are several more. Do read the article for yourself to see what you can do to build a more passionate marriage and keep things vital, exciting and new.