The phrase “love is all you need” sounds good in a song, but it doesn’t necessarily hold true for for marriage in the real world. Yes, you do need love, but according to experts, love alone is not enough unless it also has four specific elements.
In an article this week in the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel, marriage columnist James Sheridan shares some very interesting facts from author Mark Gungor on the four elements of love that can make it “all you need.” According to Gungor, if your love has these four elements, it’ll be enough to sustain a happy marriage.
1. Affectionate love.
Gungor explains that this element is that feeling of tenderness and desire to spend time with your mate that comes from shared memories and an awareness of what you have meant to each other. According to Gungor,
Focusing on positive memories and your spouse’s characteristics that made you fall in love in the first place and regularly doing small things for each other will cause this kind of love to re-emerge again and again.”
2. Friendship love.
Friendship love is described in the article as the love that develops between two people with shared likes and dislikes and Gungor says it’s essential. He warns that it does take work such as spending time together, being kind in your communication and giving each other respect, publicly and privately.
3. Commitment love.
According to the article,
Commitment is the part of love that holds you together for the long haul; that means I’m with you, no matter what.”
It goes on to describe commitment love as the love that doesn’t change in the face of disappointment or difficulty and that supports the other person, no matter what.
4. Sexual love.
Gungor warns that couples ‘must fight to stay ‘wild’ about each other — if they don’t, this love will die’ and, eventually, their marriage will die with it.”
It’s also important to note that sexual love, in it’s best and most sustainable form, is almost impossible without commitment love, friendship love and affectionate love.
Our advice: When things start slowing down in the bedroom, don’t leap too fast at sexual solutions. Work on the other three, and things will fall back into place in your intimate life.