When you’re on a mission to rebuild your relationship or save your marriage from infidelity, boredom or a lack of intimacy, keeping things hot should be one of your top priorities. The good news is that this is more fun than work. In an article this week on PstchologyToday.com, marriage and family therapist Lisa Thomas shares some tips for keeping your marriage hot. What’s different about her advice is that she shares what’s working for her in her own marriage. Here are five of her fun and easy steps to keep your marriage hot.
1. Wear sensuous underwear underneath your mommy clothes.
It’s easy to get into a rut of wearing sensible underwear. After all, no one else will see it. But sensuous underwear does so much for your confidence that it shouldn’t be reserved for those nights when you know your husband will be undressing you.
Nothing screams unattractive like big beige underpants. You have to wear them right after birthing a baby but work to get back into your Hanky Pankies, you will feel better about yourself and be ready for anything.”
2. Keep the kids out of your bed.
Once in a while a family bedtime feels nice. Its not nice though when it becomes a nightly routine that leaves no room for intimacy and touching between spouses. Many couples I see in my Marriage Counseling Practice have failed to keep this boundary in the bedroom.”
Thomas suggests getting a lock for the bedroom door so that your kids learn to respect your privacy and knock before entering your room.
3. Develop a Relationship Vision
Thomas advises couples to create a vision together of where they want their marriage to go. This builds unity and closeness that fosters a a healthy and exciting intimate life.
Couples with strong marriages report a solid underlying friendship that is rooted in discussing things like their mutual vision. Talk about it as a point of discussion on your date night. Take some notes about it and post it on the fridge to remind yourself what you guys are moving towards”.
4. Make time to be with your friends.
Although time together is important, Thomas advises that time apart with your friends can be just as important to keeping your marriage hot and interesting. This is because it contributes so much to our personal happiness, giving us the balance and confidence we need to bring into our marriages.
You will be happier as a person if you have friendships in your life, take them time to make that happen.”
5. Be the spouse you want them to be.
My philosophy of marriage is that you don’t pick the right partner, you are the right partner. Aim to put that into practice by being cool, thoughtful and nice.”
She suggests learning to talk constructively rather than criticizing and giving your partner the courtesy you give to everyone else.
Keeping your marriage hot doesn’t have to be hard work. Sometimes it’s the small, easy and even fun things that can make a huge difference.