Although we’re not a faith-based site, we know that faith-based counselors can be a wealth of information when it comes to saving your marriage. Many faith-based counselors of all kinds of faiths are highly-trained and very experienced marriage counselors who know what works and share steps that anyone can take to save a marriage, regardless of their beliefs.
One great resource is Rabbi Schlomo Slatkin, whose post “5 Steps to Save Your Marriage“, on Aish.com is a wonderful and compassionate look at five things that you must do before you can do anything else to save your marriage.
Here’s what he says are the 5 steps you must take in order to save your relationship:
Yes, you made a commitment when you got married, but now you need to commit to saving that marriage and you need to do it completely.
When you waver and think about what it would be like if you married someone else or how you wish your life would be different, you are usually not able to generate enough momentum to push forward and repair the relationship.”
2. Seal your exits.
Couples in crisis are often focused everywhere but their marriage. It’s so painful, who can blame them? Even if we are physically married, many of us have ‘checked out.'”
Slatkin says it’s important to identify things that you do to avoid spending time with your spouse or talking about your marriage. These might be as serious as infidelity or as innocent as facebook or working out.
3. Detox your marriage.
Rabbi Slatkin advises that there are some things that are just toxic to your marriage and you won’t be able to save your marriage if you allow them to continue.
Eliminate all name-calling, finger-pointing, blaming, and shaming. A toxic relationship cannot thrive. Angry outbursts chip away at the love and trust that a couple has for each other. Instead, take ownership for your feelings and frustration by focusing on why your spouse’s actions disturb you.”
4. Enter the world of the other.
Slatkin explains that couples often fail to truly understand how each other thinks and feels. It’s important to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. He suggests that we do this by learning to communicate compassionately and to listen fully.
Couples are so often caught up in their own world that it is hard to make sense of the other’s experience. In successful relationships, both partners are allowed to express their own feelings safely and can work together to bridge the gap between their worlds.”
5. Love infusions.
Working on any relationship is challenging, especially so when you are trying to rescue one in crisis. That’s why it is crucial to infuse your relationship with loving behaviors that promote positive energy.”
He suggests intentionally expressing appreciation for the things your spouse does and is, having regular date nights and looking for ways to show love to your spouse.
The steps you need to take to save your marriage depend on your specific relationship and issues, but following Slatkin’s advice is an important step for every couple.