5 Tips for a Happy Second Marriage

There’s an interesting blog post today on Technorati’s lifestyles page.

It seems that a North Carolina insurance company is going to start offering marriage insurance policies. It’s kind of hard to tell if they’re trying to encourage couples to stay married (an optimistic idea, I know) or planning to make millions on couples who don’t (more likely). The deal is that if you stay married for 25 years, you get a payout of as much as $100,000.

stop divorce - second marriage 2

According to the statistics, this company could make a killing. As most of us know, 50% of first marriages end in divorce. But the insurance company has an even better chance of profiting from the policies on second marriages. 60% of those end in divorce, many within the first ten years.

On the surface, there are two ways that people could look at this statistic. You might wonder of people didn’t go into second marriages smarter than they were when they got married the first time. You also might wonder if they took the same issues into their second marriage that killed their first one.

We talk to a lot of couples who are married for the second time.

(Some to the same spouses!) We can say pretty confidently that that most of them entered into their second marriages with just as much excitement as when they married the first time. Why do so many of them go wrong? Instead of trying to answer that question, we’d like to pass on some of the best tips we’ve gotten from many very happily married second-timers. Using them can be much better insurance than some term policy.

  1. Talk about everything. Whether secrets were a problem in your first marriage or not, be very transparent to your second partner.
  2. Create new traditions and habits. A lot of bonding can be done when you’re working toward a common goal or learning something new. Make them healthy lifestyle habits and you’ll achieve two great things at once.
  3. Never stop dating and flirting, especially since you’re likely to hit midlife early in your marriage. Counter it by reminding each constantly that you’re desirable and attractive.
  4. Set boundaries from the beginning when it comes to the kids. If you’re blending kids, you’re going to run into issues with kids trying to play you against each other. Make it clear, in a supportive but firm way, that you and your spouse are a team.
  5. Include the kids as much as possible. It may be tempting to take the couple time now that you didn’t take in your first marriage, with younger kids. However, both sets of kids are likely going through a lot of insecurity and even a feeling of “separateness”. Combat this by spending a lot of time with all of you together, even if it’s just a picnic on Saturday or a regular movie night on Friday. Better yet, eat dinner together at least three nights a week.

Getting married for the second time requires courage, optimism and faith.

Add in a determination to start off on the right foot and learn from those who are doing it successfully. With those tools in your arsenal, you won’t need a marriage insurance policy.

5 Responses to 5 Tips for a Happy Second Marriage

  1. Cathy Lorient May 9, 2012 at 1:33 am #

    What do YOU think about marriage insurance policies? Do YOU think it’s necessary to somehow save your marriage? Post your feedback below.

    – Cathy Lorient

  2. Rosemary May 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    Ah, it’s too bad those policies weren’t around when my husband and I married in 1985. We’d be enjoying the big bucks now!

    • Cathy Lorient May 10, 2012 at 1:05 am #

      lol! I agree! You’ve already reached 25 years last 2010.

  3. Sharon Ferris May 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm #

    I have heard that the majority of problems in second marriages occur because of the children on both sides. it stands to reason that you want to protect your children and when each partner starts to do that the problems start. I can see how it can happen.

    I am not married but have a “significant other” who doesn’t live with me, but most of our disagreements start over our grown children. Unbelievable!

    • Cathy Lorient May 15, 2012 at 11:05 pm #

      I agree! But you can overcome it by working as a team. Make sure that you set boundaries when it comes to the kids.

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