There’s an interesting blog post today on Technorati’s lifestyles page.
It seems that a North Carolina insurance company is going to start offering marriage insurance policies. It’s kind of hard to tell if they’re trying to encourage couples to stay married (an optimistic idea, I know) or planning to make millions on couples who don’t (more likely). The deal is that if you stay married for 25 years, you get a payout of as much as $100,000.
According to the statistics, this company could make a killing. As most of us know, 50% of first marriages end in divorce. But the insurance company has an even better chance of profiting from the policies on second marriages. 60% of those end in divorce, many within the first ten years.
On the surface, there are two ways that people could look at this statistic. You might wonder of people didn’t go into second marriages smarter than they were when they got married the first time. You also might wonder if they took the same issues into their second marriage that killed their first one.
We talk to a lot of couples who are married for the second time.
(Some to the same spouses!) We can say pretty confidently that that most of them entered into their second marriages with just as much excitement as when they married the first time. Why do so many of them go wrong? Instead of trying to answer that question, we’d like to pass on some of the best tips we’ve gotten from many very happily married second-timers. Using them can be much better insurance than some term policy.
- Talk about everything. Whether secrets were a problem in your first marriage or not, be very transparent to your second partner.
- Create new traditions and habits. A lot of bonding can be done when you’re working toward a common goal or learning something new. Make them healthy lifestyle habits and you’ll achieve two great things at once.
- Never stop dating and flirting, especially since you’re likely to hit midlife early in your marriage. Counter it by reminding each constantly that you’re desirable and attractive.
- Set boundaries from the beginning when it comes to the kids. If you’re blending kids, you’re going to run into issues with kids trying to play you against each other. Make it clear, in a supportive but firm way, that you and your spouse are a team.
- Include the kids as much as possible. It may be tempting to take the couple time now that you didn’t take in your first marriage, with younger kids. However, both sets of kids are likely going through a lot of insecurity and even a feeling of “separateness”. Combat this by spending a lot of time with all of you together, even if it’s just a picnic on Saturday or a regular movie night on Friday. Better yet, eat dinner together at least three nights a week.
Getting married for the second time requires courage, optimism and faith.
Add in a determination to start off on the right foot and learn from those who are doing it successfully. With those tools in your arsenal, you won’t need a marriage insurance policy.