Rockin’ Marriage is all about rockin’ your marriage; making it strong, vital, happy and exciting. Couples mediator and “Fight Less, Love More” author Laurie Kuhn shared “Ten Truths About Happy Marriages” with Fox News on their website and we’d like to share them with you. We’re running down her top five truths here. Check the list and see where your marriage is doing great and where you might need to focus some attention.
1. Happy couples pick their battles.
Before you get angry and reprimand your mate for making a mistake or doing something you told him or her not to do, stop and ask yourself this one wise question: “Does this affect me?” If it doesn’t, button your lips and avoid a fight. After all, your mate is the one who must deal with the consequence, not you.”
2. Happy couples play detective.
If something your spouse did or said does affect you, then you need find out why before you blow your cool.
Ask neutral and respectful questions such as, “Can you tell me what happened?” or “I don’t understand. Am I missing something here?” You might discover a good reason for the oversight or blunder.”
3. Happy couples complain with impact.
There is a right way and a wrong way to complain.
For example, rather than saying, “Get off that darn computer — you’re so rude!” instead target your mate using a positive approach: “I miss your company. Can you join me in the living room to hang out?”
4. Happy couples skip the “whatever” word.
Being passive by often saying “whatever you want” might temporarily avoid a fight, but it could breed resentment because it leaves the majority of decisions to your mate, which can be stressful. Instead, have a real opinion and share it.”
5. Happy couples create policies.
Instead of getting upset every time your spouse does something that upset you, avoid future problems by suggesting ways to agree on future instances.
Focus on the future by creating policy solutions, as in, “From now on can we agree to make a budget for our personal expenses?” Or: “Can we agree to check in with each other before making plans for both of us?”
Read the rest of Kuhn’s ten truths about happy couples for yourself. We think she’s got some great ideas about ways that we can all make our marriages stronger, more peaceful and much happier.