Almost everyone has wondered at one time or another (or they will) how to get the passion back into their marriage. Passion and excitement fluctuate in a long-term relationship. This is normal and even necessary (how much would you get done in other areas of your lives if you were always in the honeymoon phase?), but it’s only okay if you get the passion back eventually.
In a wonderful article this week on the PsychCentral.com blog, counselor and therapist Julie Orlov shares five tips for getting that passion back. These are things that she has learned from her own recent research study and in the course of her work with married couples. These tips are simple, to the point and well worth trying if you’re in a bit (or a lot) of a rut:
1. Start dating each other again.
You’ll hear this advice a lot if you read this blog or ask anyone’s advice on reigniting your marriage. But don’t fall into another rut of ho-hum date nights that are just overdressed versions of your evenings at home. Says Orlov,
Plan together, make reservations, pick meaningful, fun and varied activities and begin a flirtation. Pretend that you’re still courting each other, and put that level of attention into your dates.”
2. Make out in public or private.
Orlov explains that many couples stop kissing passionately after a few years together. Those fond and fervent embraces are reserved for the bedroom, if at all. But try really kissing each other hello or goodbye and see what that does to the temperature of your marriage.
3. Start a new hobby, take a class, or join a cause together.
Spending some time doing new things together or learning about something your spouse enjoys already is a great way to get back some of that feeling of newness and discovery that you enjoyed when you first got together. It also helps you see your spouse as someone more interesting than the guy who takes out the garbage and mows the grass.
4. Get playful.
Playing together releases feel-good hormones that help you relax with your mate. Laughter also leads to arousal for many of us.
Leave inhibitions behind and be willing to feel silly and foolish for a while. I promise any feelings of self-consciousness will pass and be replaced with feel-good hormones and enjoyment for one another.”
5. Redefine your relationship.
Orlov explains this step more fully on her own website, which you can link to from the article. Basically, though, it’s important to have a plan and to refine and redefine that plan periodically. Where is your relationship now? What are your individual and shared goals for the relationship? How can you take steps to reach those goals? Working together as a team builds unity and intimacy that can lead to much more intimacy in the bedroom.
It’s perfectly normal to feel the passion in your marriage wane for a while. With these tips, you can get your marriage back on a more exciting track.