Rekindling romance is one the most common discussions we have with even the happiest couples we talk to in our work. At least some degree of romance is essential to a strong and happy marriage, yet it’s one of the most common things couples have trouble with.
Pre-marital counseling has made some strides in preparing couples for the realities of marriage, including having realistic expectations about romance and passion. Still, we see a lot of couples who are surprised when the romance seems to wane.
Romance is Not Independent-It Needs Care
We ran across an interesting piece on rekindling romance and keeping it alive in a long-term relationship. It was an interview with
Robert Billingham, an associate professor in Indiana University Bloomington’s Department of Applied Health Science. He explained the issue very well and states that the number one way to keep the romance alive is to date your spouse.
Individuals change. The relationship changes,” Billingham says. “This core behavior (regular dating, emphasizing the relationship) says, ‘No matter what happens, we find time for ourselves, find time to celebrate the relationship.’”
5 Easy Ways to Make It Happen, No Matter How Busy You Are
Of course, we hear “We’re too busy” many times when we advise couples to start dating each other again. Our response to that is, how much time do you spend watching TV? Reading the paper? Surfing the net?
Yes, we are all very busy, too busy in fact. People today are overworked, over-obligated and over-scheduled. But we all have 30 minutes a day to spend keeping our most important relationship strong.
Here are 5 ways to have some romantic time in 30 minutes:
- Meet each other for coffee or a glass of wine on the deck or patio after the kids are in bed.
- Have a few slow dances in the privacy of your room.
- Skype each other on your lunch hour. Don’t talk about work or the kids.
- Meet for a drink or a latte on your lunch hour or after work.
- Can’t get the time/babysitter for dinner and a movie? Wait til the kids are asleep one Friday night and have takeout Chinese and a great movie….in bed.
These are just a few ideas, but you can think up many more. The important thing is to remember that you don’t need to plan romance in big chunks. That makes it more likely that you won’t get to it very often. You need it daily and weekly to keep your romance strong.