The book trilogy “50 Shades of Grey” has created a worldwide sensation. It’s an erotic series about a young woman and her relationship with a college professor and it has some very racy themes. Everyone seems to be pretty surprised that women are especially drawn to the book, but drawn they are. Various media are reporting that bookings for “mature toy” parties are way up and Huffington Post recently reported on the Today Show’s story about the fact that women are the trilogy’s biggest fans.
Good Fun or Something To Be Treated Carefully?
While most experts (and we) agree that a little fantasy can be fun and keep a marriage lively, some experts are worried about the theme of “50 Shades of Grey” and how blending reality and fiction might really affect the women who love it.
Dr. Drew, a board-certified internist and frequent talk show guest, told the TODAY Show that he finds the books “disturbing” and suggested that the submissive/dominant aspects the book depicts are essentially violence against women. Now, most fans will probably argue that it’s just fantasy, simply fiction, but if people are really as entranced with the books as the hoopla indicates, then it’s safe to say many of them are at least thinking about bringing some aspects of the book into their real lives.
Since the books seem to be especially popular with married women (and to a lesser extent married men) we wanted to offer some advice.
1. If you’re a fan of the books but your spouse isn’t familiar with them, have a discussion about why you like them, what aspects or themes make them exciting to you and how you think you might use those ideas in your own marriage. Micheal Cohen, a columnist for Huffington Post, actually got a letter from a husband whose wife is really taken with the books and decided to bring the themes into their bedroom. In short, the poor guy was freaked out and was also turned off by the whole thing. Talk to your spouse, rather than just springing something on them one night.
2. Sometimes, it’s the feeling invoked by a story, rather than they actual actions in it, that we find stimulating. The themes of “50 Shades of Grey” are pretty intense and not for everyone. Be sure that you’ve given the appeal some real thought. It may be the characters, the unfamiliar or the overall atmosphere that’s really exciting to you, whereas actually doing the things the characters do would be uncomfortable or even scary.
3. A little bit goes a long way. There’s a lot to be said for nuance, and sometimes the nuance of something is all you really want or need. There’s a big difference between wanting to be dominated and just wanting your spouse to take control of your lovemaking occasionally. We’re all for anything that creates a spark, but like all sparks, this one should be handled with care and respect.
If you or you and your mate have been reading and/or talking about “50 Shades of Grey”, we’d love to hear your take on it.