There are a number of “marriage rules” that have been around for ages and that have been accepted as fact almost without question. But there’s a new article out by Denise Schipani of Woman’s Day that says these 10 marriage rules were made to be broken and she’s got input from several respected marriage therapists and family counselors to back that up. As the new year approaches, maybe you should make it your resolution to stop following these rules and save your marriage by breaking them instead! We share the top 5 breakable rules here.
Rule # 1: Never go to bed angry.
We’ve all heard this one and it seems to make sense. But psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo says that trying to work through problems when you’re stressed and tired isn’t going to help anything. Instead, agree to disagree temporarily and make a definite appointment to discuss the issue later.
Rule #2: Always be 100% honest.
While honesty is essential to a marriage, you don’t necessarily need to be honest about things that would only hurt your spouse without adding anything to the relationship. Psychotherapist Barbara Bartlein uses old relationships as an example.
You don’t need to share details of past relationships,” says Bartlein. “That invites comparisons, and when you compare, someone comes up short.”
In other words, sometimes your partner’s feelings are more important than getting something off of your chest.
Rule #3: Always vacation together.
Getting away for some couple time and rejuvenation is important, but so is spending some time apart. For one thing, you may not have the same idea of a great vacation or the same desire to see Rome or hike the volcanoes in Hawaii. Pursuing your own interests keeps you centered and makes you more interesting to your mate. The occasional separate vacation can be a very healthy thing.
Rule #4: If you fight, you’re headed for divorce.
Actually, says Bartlein, research shows that couples who never fight—assuming that means they’re holding back to avoid conflict—are more likely to split.”
The key is to find ways to fight about an issue without fighting each other. Working through problems is far healthier than pretending they don’t exist.
Rule #5: The children come first.
This is a well-intentioned rule, but Dr. Lombardo says it’s wrong. Making your relationship your top priority means that your relationship will be a strong and loving one, which is what makes your children feel safe and secure.
Create couple-only time during which you do not discuss bills or children, where you do fun activities and enjoy each other’s company.”
You can check out the article to find out what the other five breakable marriage rules are. But even if you just commit to ditching these five, you’ll be on your way saving your marriage and making it better than ever!