We’ve all asked our friends, “How are things going at home?” and gotten the answer, “Okay.” We’ve all been asked, “How are things with you and ____?” and answered, “Okay.”
It’s alright to say the food’s okay or the movie was okay, but is “Okay” ever okay in a marriage?
We don’t think so. Your marriage is the most important relationship in your life and also takes up a good part of it. It shouldn’t be okay, it should be amazing.
Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., is a relationship expert, popular speaker, and the author of nine best-selling books, including her most recent, “Your Man is Wonderful” and “Dangerous Relationships.” She’s a contributor to the marriage and wedding site, Hitched.com and she’s got an excellent article that just went live, called “Wanting More Than Just an OK Marriage.” We think she’s got some important points to make.
She says that it’s common to tell ourselves that our marriage is “okay for now” because we’re going through a rough time, but it isn’t okay to leave it that way.
According to her, sometimes we avoid really looking at the state of our marriages.
But most of the time, for too many of us, what’s going on is this: “I’m too busy/preoccupied/lazy to really take stock of whether or not what is going on with my marriage is truly ‘OK’ with me. Maybe I’m too afraid of what I’ll find if I look. Maybe I can’t do any better than this, maybe I don’t have what it takes to have a really deep-down satisfying marriage.”
Does that resonate with you at all? If so, read on. Dr. Nelson has some tips for you.
1. Ask yourself, “Where is this leading me?”
If your marriage is just ho-hum now, where will that take you in a month, a year or a decade? To a ho-hum marriage. By making changes now, particularly changes in yourself, you can change the track you’re on.
2. Change the way you look at your spouse.
Look for 10 things about your spouse that you can appreciate—genuinely, wholeheartedly—every day.”
This is something we should focus on every day, but we often get too busy or distracted or complacent. Write down ten things you love about your spouse. Right now. Make a copy for them and keep one for yourself.
3. Don’t accept “It’s OK” when you don’t mean it.
Challenge yourself to have the most fulfilling, happy, loving marriage you can create for yourself. It is one of life’s best rewards.”
These are just some small things that you can do to change your mindset and get you to reevaluate the word “Okay” when it comes to the most important relationship of your life.