Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity?

An affair, no matter how brief, can be crushing. Not only is the injured spouse affected, so is the partner who had the affair. However, your marriage can survive infidelity if you both take steps to work though it.

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Dr. Laura, the celebrated marriage therapist and radio host, posted a blog post recently called “Surviving Infidelity.”

She has some advice for those couples who are trying to work through the aftermath of an affair.

Interestingly, yet sadly, infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30 and many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunity and young people developing the habit of having partner after partner after partner.  That gets to be a habit too.”

Dr. Laura adds that while men still have affairs more often, women are beginning to catch up statistically.

So what makes a marriage more able to survive infidelity?

Early on in the relationship, was the quality of the relationship really, really, really good?  I don’t mean way in the beginning when you both were just ga-ga, but for years was it good?  If that’s a “yes” then we can lean on that.  “We were once like that.”  If we don’t have a time like that, it’s less likely the relationship’s going to work.”

Are both people committed to making it work?  Is everybody going to be open and in counseling with the right person?”

Dr. laura says it’s extremely important to find a positive counselor that both of you are comfortable with.

Dr. Laura alaso explains that it’s important to identify the cause of the affair so that it doesn’t happen again.

What are some of those causes?

Boredom:

For the most part if nobody has some deep-seated problem, boredom comes from two people just not paying attention to the relationship.”

Disrespect:

When you repetitively forgive a cheater, that person now respects you less — they know they can get away with it, you’ll continue to take them back.”

Too Much Happening:

Some people get into affairs when there’s a whole lot of stuff going on, and they just lose their way.  It’s like losing your way into a bottle of alcohol; you’re losing your way into somebody else’s arms – it’s the same behavior. So it doesn’t really have to do with the quality of the marriage; it has to do with that person just having a total meltdown.”

Please read the rest of Dr. Laura’s blog post to learn some of the underlying causes of an affair and how best to recover from them so that you can move on – together.

3 Responses to Can Your Marriage Survive Infidelity?

  1. Cathy Lorient October 24, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    Think your marriage can survive infidelity? What about learning the causes of infidelity so can prevent it in the first place? Keep your comments coming!

    – Cathy Lorient

  2. KB November 15, 2012 at 10:43 am #

    My husband wants to survive his infidelity by not discussing it at all. He had a relationship with a woman that identified herself to me about 4 years ago. We discussed it then and I thought we were past it but I found out later, four years later, that he still has some kind of relationship with this person today. I have gone and seen an attorney to start divorce proceedings. Now he wants to come home and take his family back but has no interest in dicussing why he had a relationship with this woman in the first place.

    I can’t ignore the fact that he had the relationship and more importantly that he had it with this same person for more than 4 years now. I’m not sure if I can get past this to even discuss getting our marriage back on the right tracks again.

    • Cathy Lorient November 15, 2012 at 11:11 pm #

      It’s important that your husband recognizes his mistakes and that you’re willing to forgive. I also agree that you need to discuss things. This would help you better understand what caused infidelity in your marriage and perhaps prevent it from happening again. I would advise you and your husband to see a marriage counselor to sort things out.

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