We find some interesting marriage advice floating around on the internet. Some of it is interesting as in ridiculous, but some of it is interesting because it’s something we would never have thought of. Today’s blog is about the latter. An article today in the News-Sentinel cites research that says that issues in your marriage may be due to a difference in the way men and women handle tasks and time.
The article, by Marriage Done Right columnist James Sheridan, says that women are multitaskers but men are much more comfortable with handling one thing at a time.
This statement comes from some pretty respectable research.
According to researchers Patricia Love and Steve Stosny, men like routines and doing one thing at a time, even eating the same thing for breakfast and leaving at the same time each morning. Meanwhile, women are born multitaskers who are also more open to change. This can lead to misunderstandings about commitment to the marriage, responsibility and caring for each other.
According to Love and Stosny,
Wives often wonder why their husband’s world seems to fall apart if a routine is broken. Since routines help men focus, breaking routine breaks his focus. Then he has to refocus and rethink the entire task he’s working on.”
They go on to say that
routine also helps men ‘ease into their emotions.’ Men don’t deal directly with feelings. Asking a man to ‘get in touch with his feelings’ is ‘like asking him to get in touch with a red-hot horseshoe.’ If he does it at all, it will be done slowly and carefully. Routine allows men to take their time and gradually consider how they feel about other issues.”
If this sounds like another “Men are from Mars…” kind of statement, it is and it isn’t. Men and women are wired differently in many ways. The key to a successful marriage is understanding the differences and then finding ways to work with them, not around them. What do Love and Stosny recommend?
When you support his routine, he feels loved by you and connected to you.” By respecting his routines, you’re respecting him. They also advise husbands that, while your routines are important, you can multitask by incorporating ‘gestures of connection into your daily routine.” Before pouring the milk on your cereal, give your wife a hug. Then, when you leave the house for work, kiss her goodbye.The more you routinely connect with her, the more she’ll like your routines.”
Take a look at your husband’s routines in a new light this week. It may not be that he’s just stuck in his ways or bored with your marriage. His routines may ground him, and you may be what grounds his routines.