The Reality of Sexless Marriage

Some people think that the idea of a sexless marriage is a cliche that doesn’t really happen in viable marriages. Others think that sexless marriages do happen, but won’t happen to them. The reality is that having a sexless marriage is more common than you might think and could very well happen to you. But it doesn’t mean the end of your marriage.

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In an article today on the wonderful GalTime.com, author Laura Seldon shares that there are two types of sexless marriages – those that are just going through a “dry phase” and those that are in trouble and seeing the results in the bedroom.

It is very common for couples to go through sexual dry spells,” says Rabbi Ed Weinsberg, EdD, the author of two respected books on sexuality after illnesses. “It’s estimated that this process begins for most couples anywhere from two to ten years after they get married.”

Rabbi Weinsberg goes on to say that this period not only happens at different times for different couples, but is defined differently from one couple to another.

Some couples will think they’re going through a dry spell if they only have sex once every few months, while others will start to worry if they’re only having sex once a week. The frequency of sex in your marriage isn’t how you decide whether you have a problem, since every couple’s needs and habits are different. Instead, you must look at how the frequency of sex in your marriage is affecting both of you. The important thing is that both of you feel that your needs are being met, whether that means having sex three times a week or three times a month.

Dr. Alexis Conason, a therapist in New York, suggests asking yourselves these questions to determine the cause of the problem if one or both of you is unhappy with your sex life:

Have you stopped having sex because one partner is furious at the other?

• Is one partner having an affair?

• Are there medical issues that interfere with sexual functioning or desire?

• Is one or both partners overwhelmed with childcare responsibilities?

• Is one or both partners overwhelmed with career stress?

• Was there ever a time when you were having more sex with your partner? Or has the relationship always been sexless?

There are many reasons why your marriage may be going through a dry spell, but none of them have to mean the end of your marriage. If you’re willing to talk to each other and work things out together (possibly with some outside help), you can get through whatever is causing the problem and get your sex life back on track.

3 Responses to The Reality of Sexless Marriage

  1. Cathy Lorient September 10, 2013 at 5:12 am #

    What is your view on sexless marriage? What can you suggest to prevent a sexless marriage? Please leave your comments below.

    - Cathy Lorient

  2. paul December 3, 2013 at 9:00 pm #

    Married 45 years and our marriage has been sexless all that time! well we did have sex on our wedding night. It was all right according to my wife. I thought it was disgusting, vile, messy, smell, gross and really not worth the effort. I don’t understand to this day what good it is and I still feel that way. I can’t believe people do some thing like that to each other. I moved to the basement the day after our wedding, and told her never to bother me and be quite. I want nothing to do with her. What ever she does is fine with me.

  3. Cathy Lorient December 8, 2013 at 11:05 pm #

    Hi Paul,

    Thanks for the comment! We respect your opinion. But we still believe in the importance of sex in a happy marriage.

    - Cathy Lorient

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