Some people think that the idea of a sexless marriage is a cliche that doesn’t really happen in viable marriages. Others think that sexless marriages do happen, but won’t happen to them. The reality is that having a sexless marriage is more common than you might think and could very well happen to you. But it doesn’t mean the end of your marriage.
In an article today on the wonderful GalTime.com, author Laura Seldon shares that there are two types of sexless marriages – those that are just going through a “dry phase” and those that are in trouble and seeing the results in the bedroom.
It is very common for couples to go through sexual dry spells,” says Rabbi Ed Weinsberg, EdD, the author of two respected books on sexuality after illnesses. “It’s estimated that this process begins for most couples anywhere from two to ten years after they get married.”
Rabbi Weinsberg goes on to say that this period not only happens at different times for different couples, but is defined differently from one couple to another.
Some couples will think they’re going through a dry spell if they only have sex once every few months, while others will start to worry if they’re only having sex once a week. The frequency of sex in your marriage isn’t how you decide whether you have a problem, since every couple’s needs and habits are different. Instead, you must look at how the frequency of sex in your marriage is affecting both of you. The important thing is that both of you feel that your needs are being met, whether that means having sex three times a week or three times a month.
Dr. Alexis Conason, a therapist in New York, suggests asking yourselves these questions to determine the cause of the problem if one or both of you is unhappy with your sex life:
Have you stopped having sex because one partner is furious at the other?
• Is one partner having an affair?
• Are there medical issues that interfere with sexual functioning or desire?
• Is one or both partners overwhelmed with childcare responsibilities?
• Is one or both partners overwhelmed with career stress?
• Was there ever a time when you were having more sex with your partner? Or has the relationship always been sexless?
There are many reasons why your marriage may be going through a dry spell, but none of them have to mean the end of your marriage. If you’re willing to talk to each other and work things out together (possibly with some outside help), you can get through whatever is causing the problem and get your sex life back on track.