One of the biggest problems in marriage, even in a good marriage, is a loss of communication and rapport – that connection to each other that was so intense when you first married. If you’ve lost that connection, the first step to rebuild your marriage is to reclaim that rapport and that connection.
There’s a terrific article on JournalofRelationships.com that offers some advice on why that rapport is so important and what you can do to get it back. The article is called “Renew and Rebuild a Lost Rapport” and it’s a must-read for any couple that has lost that close connection.
The article offers six tips for getting your rapport back and mending your broken connection so that you can rebuild your marriage and feel like newlyweds again:
1. Let it go.
The next time your spouse does something that upsets you, just ask them to apologize and then move on. The same goes for you. As the author says,
Apologize, acknowledge, and let it go. Just make sure it doesn’t happen again!”
2. Have respect and honesty.
Express thanks once in a while for your spouse’s work-especially the work he or she does for you.”
Too often, we forget to be verbal about our gratitude for little things, but expressing that gratitude makes your spouse feel great and reminds you of what you have.
Open up about the things that matter, rather than bottling them up. Allow your spouse to to the same.
4. Work together in making decisions, not against each other.
The author suggests walking away temporarily if you can’t agree on an issue. Then,
If you still can’t work out the wrinkles, try accepting that the other is right. This will be hard, but taking turns in this exercise will help you both greatly. Marriage is all about love; not competition.”
5. “I love you for who you are”
Spend some real time focusing on what your spouse does right, what they accomplish and what they offer you and your relationship. Actively push the negative aside to focus on (and acknowledge!) the positive. You’ll both be better for it.
6. Remain close.
Don’t allow intimacy to fall by the wayside or down your list of priorities. For some couples, this is the last vestige of rapport they have left – lose it and you have none at all.
Rebuild your marriage by rebuilding your communication and reclaiming your rapport. Communication was the tool that brought you together; it can be the tool that brings you BACK together, too.