With the holidays coming up quickly, now is the time to make sure that you and your spouse know how to avoid fighting over finances. Your holiday season shouldn’t be marred by conflict and disagreements over holiday spending can ruin your marriage.

In an article called “Financial Advice for Couples to Avoid Fights about Money”, the Huffington Post interviewed two financial advisers to get their best tips to help couples avoid fights about money that could ruin their holidays and
ruin their marriages. We’d like to share three of their top tips.

1. Issue an allowance.

This tip works year round for getting a handle on personal or discretionary spending, but we think it’s wonderfully adaptable to Christmas spending.

We often recommend ‘Yours, mine and ours,’” says Casey Mervine, vice president at Charles Schwab, who likens the monthly payment to an allowance. “Each person can spend it on whatever they want without guilt or feeling that things are imbalanced, as long as each person gets the same amount.”

Sit down together and agree on a Christmas budget that works for both of you, then split both the money and the gift list. When the money’s gone, the gift shopping is done, no matter what. During the rest of the year, agree on an allowance for each of you (that is NOT dependent on each spouse’s income, but on your budget) and make a deal that you can each spend that money however you like, as long as you don’t go over your allowance.

2. Make time to talk about money.

Couples really should schedule a specific time to have a conversation about money,” says Suzanne de Baca of Ameriprise Financial. “It shouldn’t be in the bathroom while brushing your teeth, or in the car, or even over a meal because that’s not going to be as productive. Treat it like a business meeting.”

In other words, give money talks the same importance and attention as any decision you would make at work!

3. Compromise.

DeBaca emphasizes the need for both spouses to be understanding and forgiving.

Being willing to compromise, to give in a little, to forgive each other for some small slip-ups is very important. If somebody purchased something that wasn’t in the budget, ask what trade-off you can make — or maybe you have purchased something that wasn’t in the budget as well.”

A huge part of the problem with fighting about money is casting blame and being unwilling to forgive. Don’t let a grudge drive a wedge between you and ruin your marriage.

Read the rest of the article to get a lot more sound advice on avoiding fighting about money. Don’t start your holiday season on a bad foot!

We found a site called MarriageMissions.com that has a really extensive and really good list of romantic ideas for making your marriage more passionate and more fun. It’s a faith-based site but it’s far from prude or prissy, so please don’t let that throw you.

Here are 20 of our favorite ideas from the site:

1. Sleep with your spouse in a sleeping bag.
2. Walk out on a bridge at sunset and share a kiss.
3. Shave your wife’s legs.
4. Shave your husband’s face.
5. Give your spouse a foot massage.
6. Build a snowman together.
7. Go fishing – with one pole.
8. Go horseback riding on the same horse.
9. Send your spouse a compliment through one of his or her friends or colleagues.
10. Make up a codeword for making love and use it in public.
11. Play in the sprinklers on a hot day.
12. Go skinny dipping in your pool at night.
13. Write “I love you” in the dust around the house, instead of complaining about it.
14. Take a train ride.
15. Go for a bike ride in the rain.
16. Swing together on a playground.
17. Visit a planetarium and cuddle during the show.
18. Plant a tree together in honor of your marriage.
19. Bake cookies by candlelight. Feed them to each other in bed.
20.Share a long piece of licorice without using your hands.

Check the site out for the full list of over 100 easy ways to put some romance in your marriage every day!

TheNest.com has some great fall date night ideas in their article “7 Fall Date Night Ideas.” They seem to agree about the romance of fall.

The air is getting crisper, the leaves are changing, and nature has become the perfect backdrop for a romantic get-together.”

They have some fun and unique suggestions, such as going apple picking, running through a corn maze or visiting a “haunted house.” Definitely check out the article for some new ideas, but we want to share some of our tried and true favorites.

1. Couples-Only Campout

This is a great one for those times when you don’t have much cash or you just want to do something fun at home. Set the tent up in the backyard, pile on the sleeping bags on enjoy some wine, grilled steaks and even some s’mores together. If you have a safe place to put it nearby, light up the fire pit. One caveat: If you have kids you may want to schedule them for sleepovers on your camping night. We know firsthand that nothing kills the mood like a kid with a flashlight in one hand and your tent zipper in the other!

2. Have a Picnic

The great thing about fall picnics is that you’re not out in the heat and there’s usually not much insect activity, either. The beautiful trees combine with the crisp air to make fall picnics truly magical, no matter how simple they are. The cool thing about a picnic is that if you work close enough to each other, you could even pull this off on your lunch hour if you wanted a little midday romance. Just pack the picnic the night before and throw a blanket and a cooler into your trunk in the morning. It’s cheap and it’s fun and very romantic.

3. Go to a Carnival or Fair

There’s something very romantic about a county or state fair in the fall. The temperatures and the scary rides are made for canoodling, the bright lights and music are an exciting backdrop and who can resist a guy who spends $10 winning you a $2 stuffed animal? Remember how romantic you used to think fairs were when you were a teenager? They’re even better when you’re older!

Date nights don’t have to be expensive or elaborate or fancy. Try one of these fun ideas, or some of the date night ideas from TheNest and see how romantic just having fun can be. Fall is the perfect time to do it!

Couples’ spas are all the rage right now, and they’re great.

But you don’t have to spend a lot of money on a spa experience in order to enjoy a romantic, sensuous evening in the master bath. You can easily recreate it for very little money and it makes a great at-home date night, especially as the weather turns cooler.

Discovery Health has a great article on creating the spa experience at home for very little money, and the post includes a handy list of equipment you might want to have on hand, such as natural sea sponges, a long-handled natural bristle brush and some fluffy robes. They also have some very good information on essential oils, which we think are, well, essential to a great couples spa night. If you’re not familiar with the different types of oils, their advice may help:

Oils that balance and soothe include lavender, chamomile, niaouli and ylang-ylang. Essential oils to revitalize, stimulate and invigorate include peppermint, eucalyptus, rosemary, basil and juniper. (Most commercially sold essential oils are diluted with a carrier oil like sweet almond oil for topical application.)”

Aside from picking up a selection of essential oils to add to your bath, here are some of our favorite ways to create a great couples spa experience at home:

1. Mood lighting is essential. Place candles in a corner of the tub, on the vanity or on a windowsill and either turn off the lights or dim them.

2. Music can really make the atmosphere. Pick something soulful and sensuous or something soft and melodic, but make sure it suits both your moods. Keep the volume low – you still want to be able to talk.

3. Go with the flow. Try not to have a set idea or list of ideas for what you’re going to do. Perhaps some mutual back scrubbing, or you can rub each other’s feet with a sugar scrub (very relaxing and arousing, by the way) or just lie back and share a glass of wine. Have plenty of supplies on hand, but don’t feel obligated to use them. Agendas are the enemy of relaxation.

4. Lock the door! If you have kids at home, even sleeping ones, lock the door.If there’s a real emergency, you can get out of the tub to answer the knocking, but nothing kills the mood like having three kids in the bathroom asking for water, a back rub and a story.

Get creative with your own home spa and try it out one night this week. It’s cheap, it doesn’t require a babysitter and the master bedroom is just steps away.

Dr. Stephanie Smith has a some great tips on making a romantic lunch date.

She’s a clinical psychologist in Denver, CO and even though her post was about using a romantic lunch date to combat the winter blahs, we think she’s got some great tips to use in any season. Her first tip is simply to make it happen, no matter what.

Get a sitter, tell your boss you have a dentist appointment, raid the piggy bank – do whatever you need to do to get away to some place special for lunch.”

Her second tip is all about the conversation and the rules thereof. She’s quick to point out that you don’t want to spend your date talking about the same stuff you discuss every day.

Good food and time alone are great, but what about conversation? To get the most out of a romantic lunch with your partner, try this: Keep family business off the table.  By that I mean no talking about the business of running your household and family.”

Dr. Smith says these topics should be off-limits:

*kids
*pets
*bills
*work drama
*house repairs
*retirement funds

Instead, center your conversation around these subjects:

*current events
*dreams for the future
*books
*movies
*sports
*hobbies
*anything that doesn’t involve family, money or work!

We think stealing away for a lunch date is an awesome way to toss some romance into an otherwise chaotic week and over-scheduled relationship. Try scheduling a romantic lunch date with your mate at least once a month if you can’t make it a weekly “affair”. We think you’ll love the results.

A trip to the gym for a side-by-side workout is edging out candlelight dinners as a way for some area couples to spend quality time together and expend some calories,” says a recent article in the Star-Tribune. “According to a recent Indiana University study, couples who exercise together are 34 percent more likely to show up for workouts than those who work out apart. Several other studies have found that those couples also exercise more often and stick with their regimens longer than their single counterparts do.”

Check out the article for more reasons to work out together this fall.

In the meantime, here are four of our favorite ways to get fit together at this time of year.

1. Go hiking.

Hiking is not just a great way to get outside, get some fresh air and check out some great scenery. It also gives you a fantastic workout, even if you’re hiking on flat terrain. As an added bonus, it’s something you can do alone, which gives you the quiet you need to really talk and listen to each other.

2. Take a dance class.

This is a big one on our list, because we’ve enjoyed taking ballroom and latin dance classes together on more than one occasion. If you have young kids at home, try to find a studio that has age appropriate classes for them at the same time and you won’t have to worry about leaving the kids at home with a sitter. Dance classes are a tremendous workout and incredibly sensuous. Dance night always means plenty of romance later on at home.

3. Join a sports team.

Playing a sport together can be great fun. It’s a way to get a good workout without feeling like you’re exercising. The camaraderie does wonders for you in the romance department, too. Couples that play together in the field play together at home, too. Look into adult leagues and teams sponsored by your neighborhood, your community center, your church or even your workplace.

4. Train for something.

Sometimes having a goal with a definite time frame makes it easier to commit to getting fit. Working together toward something is also a great way to strengthen your marriage. It can be a 5k run, a walk for charity, a bicycle race or a dance-a-thon. Choose something that looks like fun and is realistic for your fitness level and the amount of time you have to train. If possible, choose something that’s being held to raise funds or awareness for a cause you both believe in.

Working out together can solidify your commitment to each other’s wellbeing, give you some time alone together and also get you into great shape, all things that are essential to a passionate marriage!

We found the idea for the Date Night Jar accidentally, from blogger Julie Kobe. She found the idea on Pinterest but hasn’t been able to identify the creator. Apparently, the idea has taken off like wildfire, because I found it on plenty of other blogs, but no one seems to know who originated the Date Night Jar. That’s too bad, because he or she really deserves a high five.

Julie has some great pics of her Date Night Jar in her blog post, but we also found lots of others all over the internet.

The purpose of the Date Night Jar is to provide you with plenty of new ideas for date night (or day) and take the stress of deciding what to do out of the picture entirely. It keeps things fresh and also prevents you from doing the same old thing again and again. The idea is to write date night ideas on individual popsicle sticks and either draw one together or take turns. There’s just one rule: whatever stick you draw, you have to do.

Here are the general instructions:

1. Get an inexpensive package of popsicle sticks from the dollar store or craft store.

2. Use a marker to write one date idea on each stick. Do this together, so that you each have input.

3. Place the sticks in a large, clear jar.

Now here are some tips from Julie and from around the web:

1. Color code your sticks, either by buying colored sticks or coloring them yourselves with a highlighter. You can choose colors for budget (say, $20 and under or even free), time (a few hours, one hour, etc.) or even at home/out on the town. Color code for any factor that goes into your date nights. This can make it a bit more certain that you’re able to do the date you draw when you draw it.

2. Keep a marker and some blank Popsicle sticks near the jar so that you can add ideas you get from a magazine, website or ad.

3. Be sure to add a few things you’ve never done.

We think this is a fabulous way to inject some fun into planning your date nights! Please try it and let us know how it goes!

Match.com’s magazine site, Happen.com, has a new article on “The 10 Most Romantic Fall Getaways” and they have some great ideas for spots all over the country where you can enjoy an especially romantic fall getaway. There are also some wonderful ideas on About.com’s Honeymoon Guide. If you’ve got a good three or four days to spend, they’ve got some great ideas for how to spend them. If not, we have some of our own ideas for a romantic fall getaway in less time.

1. Go to an amusement park.

Almost everyone is within a few hours of an amusement park. These parks are usually a lot less crowded and very inexpensive once the kids are back in school. Book a room at one of the park’s nearby hotels and spend a day on the rides. It’s a great way to put work out of your mind and just have fun together. A day of laughing and playing is a great way to relax for a night of romance back at the hotel, too. Don’t feel bad about not taking the kids; they need the two of you happy and connected.

2. Go to the beach.

Beach accommodations usually go way down in price in the fall and you’re likely to have the sand to yourself. Depending on where you are, it may be too cold to swim, but the ocean is wonderful in autumn. Spend the day walking on the sand or cuddled up with a good book or movie on the deck or porch. Get a place with a fireplace and the romance is practically built in.

3. Rent a cabin.

In areas where the fall foliage is a big tourist draw, renting a mountain or lake cabin can get costly. In other areas, they’re far more reasonable. If you can afford it, a little cabin or cottage in the woods is one of the most romantic places to be in the fall. You don’t need anything fancy, just a fireplace, some quiet and perhaps a great view. Enjoy walks through the woods, a picnic or just lying in bed with the windows wide open.

Even if all you can manage is one day away, try to get some time away together this fall. It’ll be the boost you need to get your through the hectic holidays.

It’s far too easy to treat our anniversaries as just another day or just another date night. It’s also difficult for many couples to set aside a great deal of money for something that we may think of as non-essential in a tough economy. However, celebrating our anniversaries with the flair and romance they deserve doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Just like date nights, anniversaries can be extremely romantic and special without costing a fortune.

Money Crashers, a wonderful personal finance website, has a terrific article on romantic, yet affordable anniversary ideas and we’d like to pass on a few of our favorites.

1. Recreate your wedding night menu.

I thought this was a really cool idea. Enjoy the memories and the tastes of the first meal you ate together as husband and wife. You can even go so far as to recreate a smaller version of your wedding cake or at least decorate a small white cake with the bride and groom toppers from your wedding (if you saved them). Eat by candlelight and be sure to dance to your “first dance” song.

2. Have your own personal photo shoot.

Another winner. Take a camera and head out to all the places around town that hold significance for you as a couple. Some ideas are the place where you met, the scene of your first date, the spot where he proposed, your favorite restaurant and so on. Have a passerby take some shots of you together at each of these memorable spots, then have fun another day creating your own anniversary album.

3. Play hookey together.

Take the day off from work and just spend time together. Go places that you can’t ordinarily go on a weekday or don’t go anywhere at all. If you have kids at home, send them off to school as usual, turn off the cell phones, forget about email and focus on each other for an entire day.

As you can see, a romantic anniversary doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive in order to be romantic and significant.

Visualize Your Future Together

Never stop dreaming with your partner. Forever is a long time, and you and your partner should dream big. Use your dreams and your future as inspiration for a date idea.”

Two of the ideas Michele suggests are drawing up plans for your dream house together and making and burying a time capsule of your relationship.

Preserve Your Past

No relationship would be complete without paying homage to your past. Use the great aspects of your past for date inspiration.”

Some of Michele’s ideas for using the past to romance your present are:

• Write a story together of how you met. For an extra twist, you both write your own versions and take them to an author to put together in book form.
• Create a scrapbook together. It will be fun to go through old photos and create something new and fresh out of it.

Try New Things

Trying new things is a great way to keep a relationship exciting. Use your imagination to really get creative so that the spark may never die.”

Michele suggests taking a couples massage class. (We didn’t know there were couples classes!) This is a great date idea and those skills you learn can be used for many more date nights to come. You could also attend a couples cooking class. Find one of the classes that specialize in couples cooking and have fun learning new dishes you can eat by candlelight later.

You can check out Michele’s post at Huffington Post to get some more great ideas, but we think these tips are great for getting the imagination going!