In our last post, we discussed Step #1 of the five best first steps to save you marriage. Step # was “Decide On It, as a Team.” In other words, decide together to work together.
In this post, the second of our five-part series, we’ll discuss the second best first step to save your marriage:
Step #2: Find Out What Language Your Spouse is Speaking
Remember the book, “Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus?” We hated that book.
Well, that’s not entirely true, although we did get tired of hearing about it. What we really disliked was the way society took the title and ran with it, throwing up their hands and making the excuse that men and women are just different creatures entirely. We’re not, though we do have some real differences in the way we think and behave.
One of the most significant and obvious differences is the way we show love.
We much prefer a book by pastor and relationship author Gary Chapman called “The Five Languages of Love.” We’ve heard him speak and he’s funny, down to earth and downright smart about the way men and women show love in different ways, not based on gender, but on our personalities.
He describes the “Five Languages of Love” as:
- Words of Affirmation (Expressing your love and the reason for it with words)
- Quality Time (Expressing love by coming home, by being there)
- Gifts (Not the material gift itself, but the act of thinking of someone enough to give one)
- Acts of Service (Expressing love by doing things, large and small, for the other)
- Physical Touch (Expressing love with a touch, an embrace or other contact)
Step #2 is all about finding out what love language each of you is speaking. One of the biggest reasons couples consider divorce or feel unhappy in marriage is that either they feel unloved or they feel that their love isn’t appreciated and acknowledged. We submit that maybe you two are speaking two different love languages.
Go to this link to take “The Five Love Languages Assessment.” You’ll not only learn what language your spouse speaks, you’ll also find out all of the ways that your spouse has been trying to say “I love you.” This will help both of you to acknowledge the love that’s being shown to you and to express it the right way to the other.
Next time, we’ll discuss Step#3: Start Speaking Your Spouse’s Language”