Not too many years ago, we were facing the decision of whether or not to save our marriage. Not only if we could, but if we wanted to. Thankfully, we both decided that the answer to both questions was “Yes.” That wasn’t the end of our problems; it was the beginning of the solution. Today, we have a wonderful marriage (that takes work and care) and a wonderful purpose in helping other couples to build and maintain healthy, happy marriages.
One of the topics most discussed with the couples who ask for help is how best to save a marriage.
What is the first step? What is the next step? What is the most important step. It recently occurred to us that the question should be, “What is the best first step?” and then “What is The Best Next Step?”
The reason for this is that saving a marriage really is done step-by-step. Some are harder than others and some take longer than others, but they all need to be done before you can really begin to save your marriage.
This is why we’ve decided to start a 5-part series called “The Five Best First Steps to Save Your Marriage.”
In this post, we’ll discuss
Step #1: Decide on It, As a Team
The very first step that you need to take, the first action that you need to take to save your marriage is to decide to save your marriage. That may sound like we’re trying to be trite, but we aren’t. Any big change you undertake, any difficult task, can only be accomplished once you really decide to achieve it. The same is so very true of saving a marriage. The difference is, in a marriage, you both need to make that decision and you both need to make it happen.
The two of you need to sit down and actually ask yourselves and each other, “Do I (you) really want to save our marriage?” You don’t need to know how yet, you just need to know if you want to, and if you do, you need to agree that you have decided together to work as a team to save your marriage. You may be on different pages sometimes, you may have different goals and ideals, but you have to be committed to working on it together.
You’ll see a lot of websites promising that you can save your marriage all by yourself. We say you can’t. You may make some changes on your own and make your own decisions, but you alone cannot save your marriage, because you alone do not a marriage make.
In the next post, we’ll talk about the next best first step to save your marriage, “Learn to Talk Your Spouse’s Language.”