The Real Shades of Gray in a Marriage

Everybody has heard of “50 Shades of Grey” by now, even those who haven’t read it or don’t even read fiction. People, mainly women, are talking about it, analyzing it, writing about it and even taking a few lessons from it. I posted about it not long ago and still haven’t read it, but I did find this article from Jody Gastfriend of Huffington Post to be very thought-provoking, but not in the way you might expect.

marriage tips - 50 shades of grey 2

The article is called “is Your Marriage Graying?” and Gastfriend shares how, unlike her book-club pals, she wasn’t really into the hotter aspects of “50 Shades of Grey.”

In fact, she skipped the racy scenes to get to what SHE felt were the really exciting parts.

From my perspective, the quippy email barbs between Christian Grey and Ana Steele — not the S&M —  were the best part of the book. Maybe I am old school, but what really draws me to a story is the  simmering allure of romance, like the kind you find in Sense and Sensibility and The Sound of Music.”

I cannot agree with her more. I’m no prude and I do love a little chemistry and tension of the racier kind now and then, but what really gets me feeling passionate is chemistry of another kind. The kind that comes from really knowing someone through years of experience. To those of you who haven’t been married long, I promise, that attraction gets stronger, not weaker, if you learn to appreciate the way it (and your spouse) changes.

As Gastfriend puts it,

As I look at my husband of 28 years, I still feel the spark I felt when I first laid eyes on him. Yes, he is graying, as am I.”

She goes on to add that she doesn’t need “manufactured” excitement to add some fire to her marriage, it’s already there, in unexpected places.

When my husband brings his mandolin to the nursing home and serenades my dad or offers me his ice cream cone because mine fell on the ground (I contemplated applying the five-second rule), that is what keeps my heart fluttering. Those selfless and completely unselfconscious acts of love keep our marriage from graying.”

Now THAT is real romance, the kind of romance that no one can manufacture and one that doesn’t need anyone else’s spark to make it burn nice and hot.

Today, think of three things your spouse does that make your marriage your own special “shade of gray.” Write them down, show the list to your mate and tell them “Thank you” in whatever way seems fitting. But keep the note for yourself, you may need a reminder the next time a book or movie tells you that gray is a boring color.

One Response to The Real Shades of Gray in a Marriage

  1. Cathy Lorient August 24, 2012 at 11:19 am #

    Is your marriage graying? What do you think about our blog post for today? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment!

    – Cathy Lorient

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