Warding Off Boredom: Keeping the Element of Surprise Alive in a Marriage

One of the things we as humans love about marriage is the element of security it provides us; the security that comes from our lives following predictable patterns which minimizes the amount of negative drama in our lives, and the feeling of loneliness. We love knowing not only that there is someone there for us in a time of crisis, but that there is someone to share our daily concerns and routines. They are there when we get home, when we wake up, and can be counted on to ease the burden of the complexities of daily living.

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When it works well it provides a sense of richness and depth, easing our journey through a life that can so often feel like a minefield. The down side of such security is the dreaded boredom that can set into even the best of marriages.

Boredom is a passion-killer.

To be sure, it’s not the only passion-killer in a marriage; abuse, poor communication, and letting your looks go are also major passion-killers that obviously should be avoided at all costs. As the saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and assuming you are both working in your marriage to avoid these danger zones, alleviating boredom is a relatively simple task that can be accomplished with a little creativity and imagination.

The goal of keeping the element of surprise alive (and thus minimizing boredom and keeping the passion fresh) in a marriage is to let your partner know that you love them, that you still find them attractive, and that they are the one person in your life whose company you enjoy the most. When you have this as a top priority, you are sending the message that your spouse matters, that they are still your beloved and your sweetheart, just like they were when your relationship was fresh and new. It doesn’t necessarily require grand gestures like expensive gifts or a fancy vacation (although that can’t hurt!). But keep in mind that it’s the little things that all add up and contribute to a sense in a relationship that you are either valued and loved or unappreciated and taken for granted.

Take a look at these 15 simple ideas:  www.loveprojectmarriage.com

Other ideas not on this list are endless. This is one of Ed’s and my favorites:

On weekend days we set aside an hour and give the other a massage, while the bathtub is running. When the massage is done (it doesn’t require expert know-how, just a pair of caring hands) after half an hour, the massage receiver sits in the bathtub (or it could be the shower) for as long as they want. If you do it just before dinner time, they can get out and have a nice hot meal waiting for them. This is guaranteed to make them feel totally loved, pampered and blessed out!

3 Responses to Warding Off Boredom: Keeping the Element of Surprise Alive in a Marriage

  1. Cathy Lorient March 28, 2012 at 9:32 am #

    Are you occasionally experiencing marriage boredom? Try one of the 15 simple ideas to surprise your spouse and let us know how it goes by posting a comment below. We’d love to hear from you!

    – Cathy Lorient

  2. The Pro Marriage Counselor March 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm #

    I am so glad that I found your website! It’s truly wonderful. I’m signing up for your regular e-mail updates so that I can share your wonderful suggestions with my 9.5k twitter followers. I’m starting by tweeting today’s article.

    I love how your suggestion to keep the positive communication, complements and emotional assurances flowing, even when things are less exciting. Your recommendations for keeping things new and alive in the marriage are just great also!

    • Cathy Lorient March 28, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

      I’m glad that you liked our website and thanks for sharing it to your twitter followers. I hope they’ll find our articles useful to improve their marriage.

      – Cathy Lorient

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