It’s no secret that women love romance. Chick-flicks and chick-lit always have a romantic aspect to them, even if they aren’t necessarily romances. The Romance Writer’s Association says that 91% of their audience is female. The reaction to “Fifty Shades of Gray” from women readers has been enormous. No one is surprised.
But why do women love romance so much and how can we use that to have a more romantic marriage?
I saw an article on the International Business Times the other day about women and romantic literature and as I was reading about what women get from reading romance it struck me that husbands would do well to read the article, too.
In very general terms, husbands know why women read romance. But if you look at the specific things they get from it, you can see opportunities to make yourself look just as good as any romantic hero. Remember that you have one thing that they don’t: follow-through! So let’s look at what your wife is getting (vicariously) through romantic fiction.
Much of the thrill of a romance novel is the care and devotion the hero lavishes on his beloved,” maintains New York-based sex therapist Stephen Snyder. Snyder, who has written extensively on the mystique of female sexuality, believes these novels capture the thrill of completely engrossing a man — without having to compete with the television, the iPhone or any of the myriad distractions that exist in the real world.”
I think this is a biggie these days. We give half our attention to almost everything. There’s just too much going on at once and we’re getting too much input at one time, too. We’re looking at the computer, listening to the TV and texting our friends. Somewhere in there, we need to focus on each other, completely, for at least a few minutes a day. Make a point of giving your wife your complete attention for at least ten minutes a day. In fact, let her see you turn off the phone and the TV and look her in the eye when you tell her she has your complete attention. You might not have to say much else.
The heroines of romance novels often enjoy the lavish attention of male suitors, who cater to their every whim, and who often represent a stark contrast to the prototypical ’emotionally unavailable’ man. Not only do the men and women in these books connect on a sexual level, they become immersed in each other’s emotional yearnings.”
There’s a lot of face to face conversation in romance novels and a good deal of physical interaction. In a time when many of our friendships are limited to Facebook and most of our conversations are via email or text, the value of your actual presence and touch cannot be overstated.
In other words, really notice your wife, really talk to your wife and really touch your wife. That’s something the romantic hero in her books can’t do.